Fool Me Once
by LaylanatorXVII
Summary: Shaun and Rebecca are fooling absolutely nobody. So when Lucy feels that they have crossed the line, she confronts Rebecca about their complete lack of decorum. An email conversation between Rebecca and Lucy. Misunderstandings, abrupt subject changes, and hilarity abound. Please leave a review: I will love you forever. Rated for language and suggestive content. Implied S/R, sorta.


_A/N: So, this originated in an extremely random email exchange with my brother (who happened to be sitting in the next room. We were bored, sue me.) And I wrote a much shorter, much shabbier (in my opinion) version than this. My brother liked the idea, so I decided to evolve it into this. I hope you enjoy._

 _ **.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Language, suggestiveness and mentions of sex, but nothing graphic, I promise**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **DISCLAIMER:**_ _I do not own Assassin's Creed. If I did, Leonardo da Vinci would have been revealed at the end of Brotherhood to secretly be a BAMF Assassin. As Leo remains the loveable (but rather helpless, bless his heart) artist we all know and love, you can infer that I do not own Assassin's Creed. All rights to Ubisoft. The bastards._

 _._

 _Constructive criticism is accepted and appreciated._

 _Flames will be used to burn out the lingering mental images the first fifteen minutes of_ the 40 Year Old Virgin _left me with. I did not watch any farther than that._

 _ **.**_

.

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Rebecca, we need to talk._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Your username is so bland. Spice it up a little. Talk about what?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _And your username is needlessly complicated. How on Earth do you remember all the numbers?_

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _It's my birthday, I'll have you know, and I am deeply saddened that you didn't recognize it. I thought we were friends, Luce._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _We're getting off track. Seriously, we need to talk._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Then stop changing the subject. And you still haven't said what we're talking ABOUT._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _I refuse to rise to your bait. And we need to talk about you and Shaun._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

… _is this about the yogurt again? Because you need to let that go._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _NO. What made you think this could be about the yogurt? I don't bring it up often. In fact, I don't think I've brought it up since._

 _. ._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Well, not out loud, no._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _And what's THAT supposed to mean?_

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Well, the way you dramatically huff every time we walk past the dairy isle in the supermarket is one thing. And the way you spring up and breathe down our necks every time we open the cooler is another._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _I SERIOUSLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU AND SHAUN ARE EMULATING MARVIN GAYE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT_

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

… _did you seriously just reference "Let's Get it On?" What are you, my father?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Shut up._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _And what makes you think Shaun and I are having sex?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Oh, please, you two are not fooling anyone. Even before you two decided to announce to everyone in Monteriggioni what the two of you were doing._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _I resent the implication that I could not keep a relationship secret from you and Desmond, the pair so lovestruck that they are LITERALLY tripping over themselves. And tables. And crates._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _That was one time. And he had just gotten out of the Animus, so he was disoriented._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Was the sun in his eyes, too?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Shut up, Rebecca. And anyway, this isn't about me and Desmond, this is about you and Shaun and your complete lack of decorum!_

 _ **.**_

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _I have decorum. I have shitloads of decorum. I've got decorum coming out of my ears._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _That's not what it seemed like yesterday._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _I have more decorum than you. I know what YOUR birthday is. Wait what happened yesterday?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _What happened was me and Desmond went outside to get some fresh air and we started hearing these NOISES._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _You and Desmond went outside to make out, you mean._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _I AM IGNORING YOU FOR THE TIME BEING, and so Desmond and I are stuck standing outside for fifteen minutes making awkward small talk over you and Shaun's racket._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _I still say you were making out. And anyway, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. What noises?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _You know…noises._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _You're such a prude, Lucy. What types of noises?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _I am not a prude. And fine, they were these grunts and groans, and every now and then there would be a loud THUNK and then someone-it sounded like Shaun- would start swearing. Honestly, I was afraid to go back inside._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Rebecca?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _Hello?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _You there?_

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Yeah, I'm here. Don't worry about it, Lucy, it won't happen again._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _THANK YOU. Well, I have to get back to work. Talk to you later. By the way, you're on supply run this week._

 _._

 _ **To: Lucy_Stillman**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Talk to you later, Luce._

* * *

 _ **To: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Hey, Shaun._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _Hello, Rebecca. What do you want now?_

 _._

 _ **To: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Such hostility. Anyway, remember our arm-wrestling competition yesterday?_

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _I have no idea what you're talking about, Rebecca, and if you'll excuse me, I must get back to work._

 _._

 _ **To: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Aw, don't be such a sore loser, Hastings. Anyway, you won't be subjected to another round of humiliating defeat, because the boss lady says we can't do it anymore._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _What? Why?_

 _._

 _ **To: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _ **From: TechJunkie101386**_

 _Because you ate her yogurt._

 _._

 _ **To: TechJunkie101386**_

 _ **From: GUYFAWKES1492**_

 _She needs to let that go._

* * *

 _A/N: As always, please leave me a review and tell me what you thought! I love getting feedback._

 _._

 _Also, I just made up Rebecca's birthday when I wrote it, and after further research (aka consultation of Wikipedia) I discovered that I made Rebecca two years younger than she actually is. To the readers, sorry. To Rebecca, you're welcome._ _._


End file.
